so today at school i was asked to do stand up comedy at the coming talent show and ive started working on my routine i worked on it both of my 2 and a half study halls and a little bit in math too.

ok this is how it starts


so the other day i had an infinite yawn. it is when you yawn but it lasts forever and you are stuck in the yawn. so i yawned in class and i was stuck for about 10 minutes with my mouth open in the yawn position and then everyone thought i was weird. so i eventually i started getting a huge cramp.

so one of the populating trends here at our school is dubstep. it makes a noise like this "wub wub wub wub wubwub" in a really low voice. why didnt they just call it wubstep?

so like a year ago there was a meme on youtube called the double rainbow guy and he got really popular. if there is ever a triple rainbow i will make sure im the first person to be the triple rainbow guy

my computer speakers never work. and my headphones always break. they should call them computer breakers and deadphones.

so i live in a pretty wooded and forested area. do you know what is the most common animal here? the motorcycle. actually its the deer.

so in study hall the teachers get mad when i sleep. but whats the point of staying awake? its not like we're going to use what we learn in the future.

this is what i got so far. tell me what u like. thx

It's.... weird, but some things made me laugh. The deadphones and the motorcycle, being.

Are you being serious?

__________________
Used to be president.

I highly recommend you watch some John Pinette and a bit of Zach Galifinakis and call me in the morning.... both of these you can find on Netflix... they MIGHT help your routine shape a bit...

Well if I'm being honest, those are some pretty lame jokes coming from a pretty cool guy.
Unless that's what you're going for. I quite enjoy ironic, groan-inducing comedy myself.

__________________
Tჩε ղiყht is ძαrҟ αnd fџll იf τεrrიrs.

Check out Tim Hawkins. XD. He's halarious! Watching him will definatly help you.

__________________
"Insults only count when they are accepted"~Me

Not bad, you could watch Louie CK for some tips. I consider that guy the best comedian right now.

thanks for the tips. i will use them to improve my stand up skills. right now its just hard coming with material, but a big part of standup is delivery, which is hard to show through plain text. delivery can help with jokes that arent even funny, but if u like say it funny it makes it all better, and i consider myself a pretty good deliverer

Good luck and I hope you do well going forward. It's one of the best possible careers to have because you always have fun and would make decent money.

I have a feeling that "wubstep" would be much funnier in person. And with a better setup.

__________________
Save a pretzel for the gas jets.

Wow, you're the first person I've met who knows about the guy! He's one of my favorite lesser-known comedians.

To the OP: best advice I can offer you is to listen to people who are already known as funny. You probably know some of these people in real life (I know I do), and if not, you can always just watch some professional stand-up comedians do their thing. It's really pretty hard to explain just why funny things are funny, so the best thing you can do is just develop a sense of when what you say is actually humorous. I'm not trying to get you down or anything, but it does look like you have quite a bit of work to do on that before you can be successful at stand-up.