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Tell me what you think....
Old 04-19-2013, 09:09 PM
DarkShade's Avatar
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Georgia
Posts: 725
Default Tell me what you think....

So, I've been developing an idea for a book for a couple books but I never really knew how to execute it. Before I tell you all more I have about the first 449 words from Chapter 1...tell me what you think. The first page is always the hardest!


Here is a random excerpt

?There will always be a part of me that is dirty and sloppy, but I like that, just like all the other parts of myself.?

Last edited by DarkShade; 04-19-2013 at 09:41 PM.
Old 04-19-2013, 09:13 PM
Snail's Avatar
Row Row Fight da Powa
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Alcatraz Island
Posts: 2,008

Needs more imagery. Also you repeat subjects a lot. Use some pronouns! XD Also in line 2 where you said " see if the sun had raised yet..." change that to " see if the sun had yet raised..."

As for imagery, describe the dawn more. Add in little things like crickets chirping or owls hooting. Describe his cramped room more too

Other than that i think youre doing fine.
Drink up me hearties, yo ho!