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How would you mend a broken friendship?
Old 06-01-2015, 12:31 AM
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Default How would you mend a broken friendship?

Long time no see 3DSF. I haven't been active here in years. I'm back because I'm out of people to ask about something pretty personal, and be warned this is about to be a wall of text. Sorry about this, but I'm running out of places to turn.

I'm a high school aged guy, and my best friend is a girl. I've liked her since the day I met her two years ago, but she had a boyfriend so I didn't act on it. She also knew I like her. Then over that summer, she broke up with him, so I start trying to move us towards being a couple. It started to work, and we even cuddled a couple times. We acted like a couple. Then they got back together.

Thing is, we still acted like a couple without any of the physical parts. In September once school started, they broke up again. He started harassing her, sending hateful messages, and tried to ruin all her friendships. Right after they broke up, she finally admitted that she has a crush on me too. So I start getting excited, and was planning on asking her out that week. Later she starts talking about getting back together with him, and I accidentally flipped out on her and sent her this text: "If you get back together I'll lose respect for you." I didn't realize how hurtful this was when I said it, but I found out later when she started crying to her parents and friends. I started apologizing once I realized this. I wound up getting her a book from her favorite author, and put a handwritten apology card inside for her. She accepted it, and said everything is fine again.

They got back together, and I was supportive of her decision because she needed me as her friend. Later that same night we were in a Skype call. He apparently started making fun of me and even threatened to beat me up. She dumped him right then and there for me, and they were finally over forever. He actually moved over a country away, so he's not coming back again.

However, things never went back to being fine. Everyday since then when I see her, I'm greeted with silence. The few times she talks she'll either whisper like she doesn't want me to hear, or she'll be yelling at me. I was never able to figure out why, so I asked one of our friends to ask for me. "She said it's all because of something you said in September, and she never forgave you for it." The friend also said it sounds like she never wants anything to do with me anymore. This confuses me because she hung out with me the Friday before at her place.

All this silence and anger from her side made no sense to me and still doesn't. Ever since that fight happened, we've done countless things together. We went to homecoming dance, visiting a friend who moved, she's had me come over multiple times, we spent Halloween together, our families had thanksgiving together, I was the only person she invited over for her birthday, took me to her church twice, movies, a different birthday party she invited me to, cotillion dance, and even two Fridays ago she brought me over to do homework with her. For the life of me, I can't figure out why she would do all things if she's really mad about something from September. I want to fix us, and get us back to how we used to be, but I don't honestly know where to begin. I'm not sure how to handle this fight when she won't even talk to me. We used to have 20,000 texts a month, now we have about 2. Any help's appreciated.

tl;dr: A 9-Month old fight has been happening again off and on and I don't know how to end it happily for both of us. I really do apologize for making this so long, I don?t know how to get all the information in without it being this way.
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Old 06-01-2015, 12:56 AM
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Wow, you're way to nice, i would've just let her go when she got back with him. Sounds like you guys are fine, going out and having fun.
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Old 06-01-2015, 04:41 AM
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Honestly, you should ask her yourself what you did wrong and what you can do to fix it. I can't guess what's going through her head- no one can. Yeah, it's uncomfortable and stressful but it's better to just get it over with than to be confused for months as to what's going on.

Also, she shouldn't be shutting you out with no explanation. The key to positive friendship is being able to be honest and direct. Passive-aggressiveness is no way to handle things and can make things toxic.

She might just need some time to recover from all the stress of what has happened and things will get better as you go along. But don't put your time and energy into a friendship with someone who doesn't care about you. Sometimes you have to know when to let go. It hurts terribly but you're doing yourself no favors by holding onto a friendship that just isn't there anymore.

(Sidenote: From what it sounds like, your friend's previous romantic relationship was emotionally abusive. People who are in abusive relationships don't often recognize that the person was manipulative until after they finally break up.)
Old 06-01-2015, 09:30 AM
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I would also advise for you to go talk with her personally. First tell her that you know something is wrong between you and then ask her what that is and if you can do anything to fix it. Such a conversation is best in person, not texts or calls.

If she still won't talk with you and try to resolve the situation then there's not much you can do. You can't mend a friendship unless both parties are willing.
Old 06-01-2015, 12:35 PM
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Honestly, it doesn't sound like you did anything wrong. I mean, what you said was a little harsh, but hey, the truth isn't always pretty, and people don't always want to hear it. Stay friends if you feel it's worth it, try to keep in touch if you really want, but don't stress about romantic relationships, especially at your age if you're still in high school. Kids these days are in such a rush to do 'grown-up' things and at that age you still have a lot to figure out on your own, without having a partner attached to your hip, so to speak. You just need to do you. Cutting ties does not mean that you are selfish or that you're giving up. Your happiness and your well-being is what should be most important. Cheer up, spend some time alone reading or walking, or hang out with other friends, whatever feels right. You don't need to bend over backwards for others, no matter who they are. If they can't respect that, then screw 'em. I know it's easier said than done, but if you get that tiny, subtle feeling that something's not going right or that you're not happy with the situation, don't ignore it. Maybe after awhile she'll realize that she also contributed to screwing up the friendship. In her position, I know it would be hard to give up the relationship, even if it was as crappy as you described. It's hard to respect somebody who can't even respect themselves enough to know when it's time to let go.
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Old 06-01-2015, 05:43 PM
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Honestly you told her the truth, but you should've bailed out when she first got back together, like you should be bailing now. Seems like she was just using you for emotional and physical support when she needed.
Old 06-02-2015, 05:10 PM
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Sounds dumb you need to forget this and not talk to her anymore.
Old 07-29-2015, 03:54 AM
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I guess we'll never know if OP mended his friendship.

He probably ded.
Old 07-29-2015, 04:08 AM
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Will The Creator fix his friendship? Find out next week on DRAGON BALL
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